Sacrifice

A little world. A lot of meaning.

Starting Monday of this week, I've felt broken over the fact that I feel I have become numb to what Jesus sacrifice truly meant. I grew up in a Christian home and though I walked away from Jesus and came back a couple of years lately, Jesus birth, death, and resurrection have become such common knowledge to me. I desire to be dazzled, unceasingly grateful, and in awe of my King's sacrifice, but instead I find myself somewhat absent minded and mildly thankful about all of this.

I hate this so much.

So, as I mentioned, I have been talking with Dad and just praying, "LORD show me what it means to sacrifice. Show me what Christ's sacrifice was truly like." I attended a 4pm Good Friday service at Rock Harbor tonight and it was an amazing time of worship and reflection on Jesus and the cross, but I felt the same thoughts and prayers crossing my mind that had been all week. UGHHHHHH why LORD? Deepen the meaning of the cross in my life this Easter time.

Well, God is faithful. Always.

So freaking faithful. So I'm going to be straight up. As most people know, I'm a big fan of honesty. I think Jesus is too. For a couple of years in high school, I did not walk with the LORD. I had a great deal of sin in my life and was super self centered and obsessed with feeding my flesh. I am still self centered and often stumble, but these days I live my life trying to please Jesus every single day. So good, so hard, so worth it.

All this to say, I used to smoke cigarettes for a period of time. I enjoyed it greatly. What started as a very much a social, try to be cool type of thing, quickly turned to more of habit. When I came back to Jesus, I felt compelled to quite. I gave my last couple of packs to friends and quite. It's been a couple years since then.

Well, the past couple of months I've been like ughhhhhhhhhhh I want to smoke a cigarette. I know I shouldn't. I mean, of course it's not the end of the world, hugest thing if I do, but still. Is it glorifying to Jesus? Will it edify others? Will is further the Kingdom? No, no, and no. Today I was rocked by how much I felt the desire to smoke. As John Mark Comer once said,

"Our deepest desires (if we are saved) are godly, but our strongest desires are usually fleshly."

I felt the flesh eating at me. I knew/know that smoking won't do any good but feed my flesh but I still really wanted to. I knew smoking would break the contract I'm under for the school I attend, but I began to not care. My flesh was getting the best of me as it often does. I started to justify in my mind, "Ok, I'll just buy one pack, smoke it, and be done." SO STUPPPPIIIDDDDD

And then it hit me. One of those moments that you just go, "Oh shoot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The Spirit spoke to me and said, "Jenna, Christ gave up His life for you. He gave up His desires, His freedoms, His everything for you. You can give up this for Him."

Shoot, I have no room to even talk. It all made sense. God, I am so unworthy of You and super ashamed half the time that you love me. Though, in reality, this is such a small sacrifice and not even a little bit comparable to what Christ did for me, the Spirit used this to show me sacrifice. He used this to show me what it meant to give up my life and my desires. If Christ could give up His life, I could certainly give up my silly smoking.

What the heck. I'm so blown away and just left so speechless at how good and faithful Jesus is. I prayed that He might show me sacrifice and He did. Just like that, He did.

This Easter, I pray that He reveals to each one of you that reads this just what it means to sacrifice. I challenge you to think about your life. The sin, temptation, and fleshly desires you struggle with. First off, Jesus gave up His life so that all of that could be forgiven and free forever (!!!) and second of all, these personal sins, temptations, and desires are so minor when we realize His sacrifice and the greatness of knowing Him!!!!!!!!!!!

(Sweet Madison and I today before service)

May we live lives of sacrifice for Jesus each day until we meet Him face to face. Give it all up.